If I ever feel better

Now I've watched all my castles fall, they were made of dust, after all...

Phoenix

Con esta canción me pasa algo que nunca creí que sucedería: no quiero decir nada. Hay miles de imágenes, de sensaciones, de recuerdos que se agolpan en mis dedos pidiéndome salir, pero no puedo hacerlo, no soy capaz de escribir al respecto y que alguien lo sepa.

Sí, es una traición a mi ejercicio, pero simplemente me es imposible lidiar con tantos sentimientos (no soy tan insensible como aparento) y todos los recuerdos que atacan de nuevo. Quizá resulta contradictorio incluir en mis posts una canción que me afecta en demasía, sin embargo debo hacerlo; independientemente de los conflictos o no conflictos que me cause, If I ever feel better es importante en mi vida, me guste o no.

A continuación, la letra y el video de esta canción:



Phoenix - If I Ever Feel Better
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They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
It's like a bad day that never ends
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life that I can't control
They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know I'm so tired of it all
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that' s fading away
You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than in the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
Hang on to the good days
I can lean on my friends
They help me going through hard times
But I'm feeding the enemy
I'm in league with the foe
Blame me for what's happening
I can't try, I can't try, I can't try...
No one knows the hard times I went through
If happiness came I miss the call
The stormy days ain't over
I've tried and lost know I think that I pay the cost
Now I've watched all my castles fall
They were made of dust, after all
Someday all this mess will make me laugh
I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
It's like somebody took my place
I ain't even playing my own game
The rules have changed well I didn't know
There are things in my life I can't control
I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There's a part of my life that will go away
Dark is the night, cold is the ground
In the circular solitude of my heart
As one who strives a hill to climb
I am sure I'll come through I don't know how
They say an end can be a start
Feels like I've been buried yet I'm still alive
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know
If I ever feel better
Remind me to spend some good time with you
You can give me your number
When it's all over I'll let you know


Curiosamente, todo lo que dice la canción parece apegarse a la historia que no quiero contar, y si bien no me siento mal por algo que haya hecho o vivido, sí tengo una sensación de que algo me falta, de que soy un rompecabezas gigante al que se le perdió una pieza, la cual está en un lugar oscuro, silencioso, esperando que alguien la encuentre.

Contrario a lo que pueda parecer, me alegra tener esta historia, incluso no pudiendo hablar de ella, aunque es muy buena, al menos para mí, y me ha permitido ver hasta dónde puede llegar mi amor y mi renuncia, mi desprendimiento. Y sí, algo me falta; y sí, me siento rara cuando la escucho en el ipod; y sí, representa lo que quisiera tener; y sí, yo no sería la misma si esta historia no hubiera existido; y sí, no dudaría en vivirla otra vez...

La vida está hecha de momentos, dicen por ahí. Momentos únicos e irrepetibles que forjan nuestra memoria, nuestros sentimientos, nuestro carácter y definen muchas de las cosas que deseamos y anhelamos, pero algunos de esos momentos no deben narrarse, no tienen por qué darse a conocer, y no por ello son prohibidos o malos, simplemente están cómodos y tranquilos en la mente y los recuerdos, y sólo ellos saben la razón, por lo tanto no hay que cuestionarlos, sólo dejarlos ser... Como decía Nacha en Como agua para chocolate: "sólo la olla sabe los hervores de su caldo".

Lau dixit.